This one-shot expected to be completed over two years. Finally it seems I managed to find the right words to represent my thoughts on O'Neill's version at the end of my favorite episode: Abyss.
Title: The Secret
Genre: introspective, melancholy
Rating: for all
Spoilers: 6x06 Abyss
Characters: Jack O'Neill
N. words: 1,005
For Kae, who inspired me and Joy, beta and valuable supporter.
O'Neill sat on an old chair in the garden behind the house, heedless of long grass around him. After almost a month's absence, the lawn needed to be mowed, and just look and see other small maintenance jobs that could be applied. Yet despite the sense of restlessness that since he felt that morning had been allowed to go home, take care of repairs and the like was the last of his thoughts.
Dr. Fraiser had kept him in the infirmary for a week, forcing him to an infinite number of tests and inspections before finding that the abuse of the coffin had caused a mild dependence than she had expected, probably because he had really need of healing capacity of that machine. Over the past two days Jack had conveyed every physical and mental energy to convince Janet Objective and General Hammond to let him go home, finally alone for the first time in weeks.
And now that he got his goal he felt as if she had surgery and was in the throes of the after-effects of general anesthesia. It was painful to think how to move a limb remained stationary for too long, but if it was essential to restore the circulation, so was recovering mental clarity.
He had clear memories of the time between the Tok'ra, just excruciating pain, the feeling of something that was rummaging in the head while he was too weak to respond and then the paralysis due to lack of control over her own body, something that hoped to completely erase from his consciousness. He did not want to remember that he was, albeit briefly, a guest. When Janet had assured him that there is no blood naquadah his relief was greater than that felt when he realized that it is free. He would spend the rest of life to separate your memories from those remnants of a symbiont, it would not be able to use no tools and the Goa'uld not proved fictitious feelings for someone who had never known before, as was painfully happened to Carter. He was free, was the same man of the plant before it happened.
The torture of Ba'al, as cruel and deliberate, had undermined his hopes of salvation, The sarcophagus had affected his integrity, but on the whole was something he had already lived in the days of captivity in Iraq, and he knew he could overcome. However, there were a few moments of that whole experience, however painful, she felt she wanted to remember.
How the comforting presence of Daniel, who believed from the beginning in an illusion, only to realize that his subconscious could never recreate so well the complexity of the character of the young archaeologist. Only the real Daniel Jackson could offer him the ascent to escape the torture, a solution that he would never have considered, preferring death to the neglect of the transformation into a being of energy alone is unable to react. Daniel could not live under the laws of physics known on Earth, but it continued to exist somewhere in the universe and sooner or later their paths would cross again. He knew enough to know that he was too idealistic to settle for a life of pure contemplation. For its part, had stifled the desire to tell everyone they saw him, aware of the difficulty of belief. It would have been a secret, like seven years ago, when he left to live on Abydos.
The secret of Kanan but was no longer such. Sam, Teal'c and Jonas saw that covered the Lo'taur of Baal, while Lord System tortured him to find out. Kanan was in love with Shayna and after he entered his brain had decided to risk their lives trying to save it. Everyone had thought that he did because "we do not abandon our people" was one of the unwritten rules Air Force and Jack had left him to believe.
The other side of truth, the most important one, was much more private and potentially dangerous. When Kanan had entered his head, Jack was too tried to keep the disease's mental shields that protected his most intimate thoughts, even those who hid himself. It was a shock to the symbiont, convinced of the nobility of its intent to find out how despicable his behavior was against the slave girl of Ba'al, according to the yardstick of a simple Tau'ri.
Love, a race which gave priority throughout the war against the Goa'uld, a distorted concept was to leave his fate in a romantic partner was a sacrifice that little worried about the fate of his beloved. But when he came in contact with Jack's mind had discovered a completely different conception of the feeling he had felt for the woman who allowed him to carry out the mission entrusted to him. If he had not read it clearly in the mind of man, never would have considered the possibility of giving up what he believed to risk everything: life, honor, including the security of your people in exchange for sparing one person. This was the secret that Jack had fought and hidden even from himself because just like the Tok'ra could not afford to jeopardize the lives of millions of people in exchange for one. But the temptation was always there, lurking, every time his team was in danger, in fear every time you read instead of the usual determination in the eyes of Sam. Why the urge to save the woman he loved was always present, even if properly enclosed and hidden in the deepest of his mind.
Kanan had violated this hiding and had reacted to the strong emotions that were hidden. And Jack knew that he would remember for life the last words that the symbiote had mentally addressed before dropping out to avoid dying of betraying his people.
"Please, save it for me."
Dr. Fraiser had kept him in the infirmary for a week, forcing him to an infinite number of tests and inspections before finding that the abuse of the coffin had caused a mild dependence than she had expected, probably because he had really need of healing capacity of that machine. Over the past two days Jack had conveyed every physical and mental energy to convince Janet Objective and General Hammond to let him go home, finally alone for the first time in weeks.
And now that he got his goal he felt as if she had surgery and was in the throes of the after-effects of general anesthesia. It was painful to think how to move a limb remained stationary for too long, but if it was essential to restore the circulation, so was recovering mental clarity.
He had clear memories of the time between the Tok'ra, just excruciating pain, the feeling of something that was rummaging in the head while he was too weak to respond and then the paralysis due to lack of control over her own body, something that hoped to completely erase from his consciousness. He did not want to remember that he was, albeit briefly, a guest. When Janet had assured him that there is no blood naquadah his relief was greater than that felt when he realized that it is free. He would spend the rest of life to separate your memories from those remnants of a symbiont, it would not be able to use no tools and the Goa'uld not proved fictitious feelings for someone who had never known before, as was painfully happened to Carter. He was free, was the same man of the plant before it happened.
The torture of Ba'al, as cruel and deliberate, had undermined his hopes of salvation, The sarcophagus had affected his integrity, but on the whole was something he had already lived in the days of captivity in Iraq, and he knew he could overcome. However, there were a few moments of that whole experience, however painful, she felt she wanted to remember.
How the comforting presence of Daniel, who believed from the beginning in an illusion, only to realize that his subconscious could never recreate so well the complexity of the character of the young archaeologist. Only the real Daniel Jackson could offer him the ascent to escape the torture, a solution that he would never have considered, preferring death to the neglect of the transformation into a being of energy alone is unable to react. Daniel could not live under the laws of physics known on Earth, but it continued to exist somewhere in the universe and sooner or later their paths would cross again. He knew enough to know that he was too idealistic to settle for a life of pure contemplation. For its part, had stifled the desire to tell everyone they saw him, aware of the difficulty of belief. It would have been a secret, like seven years ago, when he left to live on Abydos.
The secret of Kanan but was no longer such. Sam, Teal'c and Jonas saw that covered the Lo'taur of Baal, while Lord System tortured him to find out. Kanan was in love with Shayna and after he entered his brain had decided to risk their lives trying to save it. Everyone had thought that he did because "we do not abandon our people" was one of the unwritten rules Air Force and Jack had left him to believe.
The other side of truth, the most important one, was much more private and potentially dangerous. When Kanan had entered his head, Jack was too tried to keep the disease's mental shields that protected his most intimate thoughts, even those who hid himself. It was a shock to the symbiont, convinced of the nobility of its intent to find out how despicable his behavior was against the slave girl of Ba'al, according to the yardstick of a simple Tau'ri.
Love, a race which gave priority throughout the war against the Goa'uld, a distorted concept was to leave his fate in a romantic partner was a sacrifice that little worried about the fate of his beloved. But when he came in contact with Jack's mind had discovered a completely different conception of the feeling he had felt for the woman who allowed him to carry out the mission entrusted to him. If he had not read it clearly in the mind of man, never would have considered the possibility of giving up what he believed to risk everything: life, honor, including the security of your people in exchange for sparing one person. This was the secret that Jack had fought and hidden even from himself because just like the Tok'ra could not afford to jeopardize the lives of millions of people in exchange for one. But the temptation was always there, lurking, every time his team was in danger, in fear every time you read instead of the usual determination in the eyes of Sam. Why the urge to save the woman he loved was always present, even if properly enclosed and hidden in the deepest of his mind.
Kanan had violated this hiding and had reacted to the strong emotions that were hidden. And Jack knew that he would remember for life the last words that the symbiote had mentally addressed before dropping out to avoid dying of betraying his people.
"Please, save it for me."
End
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